Some may not agree with my ideology on men, and I’m okay with that. These are my experiences and my views on men! #notapologetic
I’m sure you have heard that there is someone out there for everyone. Or the don’t look, he will come to you. And that may be true! However, what do you do in the meantime? Wait? Sure, but while you’re waiting, you should date, have fun, and see what’s out there.
After I ended a 5 year relationship, 2 of which we were engaged, I decided to get right back in the dating scene. Too soon? No, my relationship was over in my mind and heart prior to my leaving. So, I was at a point where I was ready to see what else was out there!
The first person I contacted, from my virtual “black book” was my longtime friend, Dr. M (name change of course). I have known Dr. M since the 2nd grade, and we have a love/hate relationship. We love each other to death, but hate that we can’t seem to get our mid 30’s shit together in order to be a couple.
*Dr. M – The one, but can’t commit*
Ever have a male friend that you know you can spend the rest of your life with? You value the friendship the two of you share, but at the same time, you want so much more!
Here is what happens:
At some point the two of us had sex or it just happened. The night he was over watching a movie or a football game, one thing led to another and before you know it, we were in bed together. Now, because of our friendship, the sex didn’t change things, but it made it more difficult to keep our hands off each other when the two of us were together. So now what do I do? There have been conversations about being in a relationship, trying to see if it would work, but….
So here I was, contacting a man that I have a tendency to push to the side when I am involved with someone. Expecting something from him, but I was not quite sure what. It seems that when people leave one relationship, they tend to look back and find that someone that they felt most comfortable with. That someone who was always there with open arms because they know you so well and are not at all offended by the way you treat them. Of course I felt bad about not reaching out to him while I was in my relationship, but I knew that he would understand. He did!
But there was a catch! In the years that I had not spoken to him, he had a baby. A beautiful baby girl that he shares with a woman he does not care for! A woman that does not know him like I do! A woman who thought that by having his baby, he would fall in love with her and they would be one big happy family! A woman who has taken my place as the mother of his first born!
I will say that Dr. M and his baby’s mother have a great parenting relationship, and he is a wonderful father! Ok, so maybe this isn’t much of a set back for me! However, he does have new responsibilities. All of his free time is gone! He has to juggle being a parent and being a boyfriend at the same time. Not to mention, he hates his job (he has a new one now) and does not have a nest egg. Oh, and he stays at his parents house!
Ha! So what do I do? Do I still want to be in a relationship with him? What does he have to offer? Can he be committed to me and continue to be a good father? Doesn’t seem difficult, but for someone like him, it is! I mean, the sex is great, your trust him, you love him! So what’s the problem?
He can’t commit! He is scared! He is comfortable with his situation, but he will deny it! Although he has everything you would want in a man, it is not the right time for him.
So what to do? Keep him on the bench!
He is not ready to put in time on the court. You don’t want to trade him, at least not yet, but his lack of self-confidence, motivation, and committment phobia does not sit well with me! Therefore he is on the bench until further notcie!